Hi,
I have not written for a week but I thin there was nothing new to say – just… When you are starting new life you are usually changing something and that something is visible. Religion is a thing you can’t see. And here I am thinking to myself – why did I suddenly became Cristian? And did I became? And I think that I caught myself cheating a bit. Yes, I went to some meetings with Christians. Yes, I did talk to them and accepted their belief. And yes, I did see myself as a Cristian. But. There is always but. You could hear it coming. I am not sure if I really AM Cristian. You know, when we are there talking about Jesus, about religion, Cristianity – everything seems to be OK, but when it comes to faith and belief… I am not sure that I know what it means. When we are talking about Jesus, everyone talks about relationship with him. And I really wish I could just feel it. I really wish. But I don’t. And well, I must confess that I am really disappointed.
On the other hand, I already have an explanation. To everything. In Alfa course there was given an example that if you will read a book about someone you get to know him by your consciousness and your brain. But when you meet that person you get to know him by your heart. So maybe I am rushing things and expecting my brains to accept Jesus as a person too soon, without even letting it to know him. So I won’t give up just yet – I will try to know Jesus and things he taught.
So, what are the other news? There are quite some. First of all I decided to move back to my mothers. Main reason – I have not enough money to stay. I have money, but I would like to spend it on other things. I have still two months to live here. No pitty here, just thinking about how to spend these months in the best way I could.
I don’t have any plan. YET. I am thinking that maybe I should start diet and loose some weight. Then I would like to finish with my drivers license. Yes, it is still on… Hell, I can’t find time to get to take the exam. I have lecture and next week I will be forced to go to work to another city… And now I realized. That thing that we discussed with Jolita. Every day we are trying so hard to make things happen. We are worrying about them and complaining that something isn’t going our way. And I am doing that just now. Good thing about being Cristian that you always have a friend that is ready to help. You are too busy making things to realize that. So:
Dear God,
please help me to cope with my drivers lessons and taking exams as soon as possible.
Thanks in advance,
D.
By the way, I am reading a book about Jesus and his life. I think it is a good start to knowing person a bit better. I hope and I wish, that he will come to my life and will stay with me forever.
Bye :)
