So, today I was thinking about my days and my goals again.

I believe I should start with declaration that I decided to become christian and I actually asked Jesus to come to my life and make it better. I am reading bible, btw :)

Now about my days. I am pretty busy these days. On Mondays I am attending BBBS (Big Brother Big Sister) seminars, on Tuesdays I will start attending ‘Habitudes’ Leadership Seminars. On Wednesdays I am learning French and Thursdays are dedicated to Alpha course at Agape. I have Fridays off but there are some things that I have to do (like go to ahairdresser) so I plan them on Fridays. I still have my weekends free but they are free just technically as I have loads of work for university to do…

My goals. Iwas thinking today about my goals that I left behind here. Here they are:

1. Get my drivers license.
2. Get my weight back to normal.
3. Get promotion.
4. To visit at least two foreign countries this year.
5. Be more financially responsible.
6. To participate in something meaningful.
   
7. To learn to play a guitar.

Only 7 left as others were excluded or done. So, what’s my progress?

1. Get my drivers license. Still not. I will take exam this week and I will pass it.
2. Get my weight back to normal. I am starting new program.
   
3. Get promotion.Done. I think.
   
4. To visit at least two foreign countries this year. Fail. Have no time for that. I have delayed my journeys to some time next year.
   
5. Be more financially responsible. Hmz… I don’t know. I am pretty responsible. :D
   
6. To participate in something meaningful. I am. :)
   
7. To learn to play a guitar. Delayed till next year because of lack of time.

I am not entirely sure if these goals still matters to me. And I am quite unhappy with myself as I have no motivation to finish some of these, like drivers license.

But I see some progress though. I had a goal to meet new people earlier. Well, now I have plenty of new acquaintances and I hope that at least few of them will become friendships. I also have started some new things, like french. What is good and breaks monotony of life. One thing is that I have really much to do during my week and I feel a bit stressed about it and I feel lack of time. But I think this will be solved as I will finish up some of my university stuff and I will have more time then.

I think I will go to do that now – make some stuff.

See ya :)

Yesterday I had really bad day as I was accused of destroying a mans carrier and life for that matter. I had no idea that I was even capable of doing this. Nor I ever intentionally did something in order to do that. I am blamed for something that was more then 5 years ago. FML, what can I say.

Now, about my newest relationship with Jesus. I still feel like I am a bit confused. But I am pretty sure that believe. Well, this must look really interesting – me not being sure if I believe. But that’s the truth. I think that by the end of Alfa course I will be if not 100% Christian then at least I will be 100% positive that I am not. But at least to this point I think that I am Christian. I tend to believe I just don’t know exactly what I am supposed to believe. So I am trying to put in action one good advise and to know Jesus personally. And I see the progress.

See you soon :)

I have not written for a week but I thin there was nothing new to say – just… When you are starting new life you are usually changing something and that something is visible. Religion is a thing you can’t see. And here I am thinking to myself – why did I suddenly became Cristian? And did I became? And I think that I caught myself cheating a bit. Yes, I went to some meetings with Christians. Yes, I did talk to them and accepted their belief. And yes, I did see myself as a Cristian. But. There is always but. You could hear it coming. I am not sure if I really AM Cristian. You know, when we are there talking about Jesus, about religion, Cristianity – everything seems to be OK, but when it comes to faith and belief… I am not sure that I know what it means. When we are talking about Jesus, everyone talks about relationship with him. And I really wish I could just feel it. I really wish. But I don’t. And well, I must confess that I am really disappointed.

On the other hand, I already have an explanation. To everything. In Alfa course there was given an example that if you will read a book about someone you get to know him by your consciousness and your brain. But when you meet that person you get to know him by your heart. So maybe I am rushing things and expecting my brains to accept Jesus as a person too soon, without even letting it to know him. So I won’t give up just yet – I will try to know Jesus and things he taught.

So, what are the other news? There are quite some. First of all I decided to move back to my mothers. Main reason – I have not enough money to stay. I have money, but I would like to spend it on other things. I have still two months to live here. No pitty here, just thinking about how to spend these months in the best way I could.

I don’t have any plan. YET. I am thinking that maybe I should start diet and loose some weight. Then I would like to finish with my drivers license. Yes, it is still on… Hell, I can’t find time to get to take the exam. I have lecture and next week I will be forced to go to work to another city… And now I realized. That thing that we discussed with Jolita. Every day we are trying so hard to make things happen. We are worrying about them and complaining that something isn’t going our way. And I am doing that just now. Good thing about being Cristian that you always have a friend that is ready to help. You are too busy making things to realize that. So:

Dear God,

please help me to cope with my drivers lessons and taking exams as soon as possible.

Thanks in advance,

D.

By the way, I am reading a book about Jesus and his life. I think it is a good start to knowing person a bit better. I hope and I wish, that he will come to my life and will stay with me forever.

Bye :)

I am not sure how to pray or how to do anything about Jesus. It is a bit funny as yesterday I was so sure about everything. And today I feel lost and confused. Should I get on my knees and pray? Can I do it still in my bed? What do I say? Must I tell all those prayers that I was taught? Or is my prayer  heard? Or if I will create my own prayer will it be heard? If I will ask for something would today be too soon to mention it? And so on…

A nice thought we discussed last evening was to pray in your daily journal. You just write a letter to Jesus as if he was you pen-pal. It is a bit weird because I was taught to say prayers that had construction and everyone knew them. And yet  didn’t understand them – they were meaningless to me. So, maybe praying in my own words will make more sense.

I trust my day to Jesus to guide and I thank him for doing this.

See you soon :)

So here I am again writing about my life to very few people who read it.

So, what’s new? Well, there is quite a bit of news. Last week I went to a seminar organized by Agape (Christian organization that here in Lithuania are working with students and helping them to achieve better results and etc.). This was seminar about effective studies and I signed up almost accidentally. I met one girl that takes Russian lessons with me and she turned out one of students that is part of Agape courses and found Jesus there. She invited me to Alfa course organized by Agape and introduced me to some other girls from there. And I thought to myself that maybe this is what I need and what God gives me as a present.

I usually look really careful at all people that are too excited about God and Jesus and religion. But this time it was different as I felt like I was where I really belong. And after the Alfa course on Thursday I left and spoke to a girl from Agape. We talked about two hours and I felt like I was really welcome there and really accepted. The girl even said that she feels like we have met 100 years ago and know each other really well. I felt the same.

And the things that we talked about were those things that I was not talking to anyone – about God, relationship with him and how I understand It. I always thought that I am not a believer and that God is only a way to escape reality. But somehow I now understand that I believe just my belief is still not perfectly clear to myself. This is why I will try to know God. Somewhere He said: “Come and try me.” I am going to do that and try it on – just like you would do with a new dress in a shop – if you will find that you don’t like it you can always put it back on a shelf and forget ever trying it on.

The thing about Christianity  is that you have to be fit in all areas of your life – you have to take care of your physical, mental, spiritual and social well-being. I think it is perfectly clear that if you don’t take care of yourself in all levels you will be not able to feel happy – without you health, without your circle of friends, without studying and knowledge, without believing. I wouldn’t say that I am looser in some of these fields, but I really need to improve things. And, believe it or not, Agape will help me with that. I have never asked anyone to help me with my personal goals and I have never expected someone to offer me their help and guidance. And I got it – an offer to speak about my further growth and my life. And I am incredibly thankful for this.

So, what will I do now? On Tuesday I am having a meeting in order to talk about my spiritual life. So I will update you on that later. And I will from today on try to let Jesus lead my life. Even only thinking about this makes me to fell a relief. You know, it is so much easier to live when you know that there is something to rely on and someone who is taking at least part of your responsibilities of your shoulder. If you really believe in God and Jesus you always know that whatever they have prepared for you is best thing that could happen and they will lead your way to places where you will be able to give most and get most. And know, writing these lines, I feel so happy I am almost crying as I really feel that it is time to get back to my heavenly father and trust him all my worries.

I am really looking forward to meeting with Renata and sharing my thoughts with her about my worries and expectations. I will update you as soon as I will have guidelines for my further actions.

Why I am writing this blog? This is just because  feel that I found something special and I am willing to share it with the whole world. And I still hope that somebody will be able to learn from my experiences.

What I am doing from Monday? I am trusting my life to Jesus. What I will do is I will try to pray a bit (oh, I could write long post about praying after my conversation with Jolita. Maybe I will some time.). For starters. :)

Ok, got to go – sleep is needed :)

Bye!

Hi,

long time no see. These two weeks has been a bit of a challenge to me. I am not really sure how I feel about everything. There is a bit of mess in my life. But I am dealing with it. Step by step.

Let’s look at my progress. Warning: not much has been done :(

1. Get my drivers license. Hell. I have not taken exam yet.
2. Get my weight back to normal. It’s strange, but even though I have not done anything special to loose weight I see in a mirror that I like the way I look much better then I did before.
3. Get promotion. I think this is almost done as we talked to my boss and I should get raise from this month.
4. To visit at least two foreign countries this year. On Hold. Waiting for new camera.
5. Be more financially responsible. I decided to change my strategy with my money. Explanations below.
6. To participate in something meaningful. On Hold. Waiting for invitation to introduction courses.
   
7. Transerfing in 78 days. Fail. I will exclude this goal.
   
8. To learn to play a guitar. On hold. I still don’t know what my raise will be. This sucks, BTW.
9. Get more organized. Done. At least organizing part. I am not really good in daily planning but I now can do most of my work pretty good and during my working hours. Yupy! :)
10. To prepare to new semester of studies. DONE. I didn’t go to shop. Because I have everything I need. :)

So, you cen see my progress. Not much of it but I think it is enough. And I feel that my thoughts about general situation are much more possitive now then they were a month ago.

me again.

Today here will be no cheering. I am kinda depressed past week or so. I have way too much work and I envy all of my friends their free time.

On top of that I also have quite tough time with my life in general as I am trying to figure out who am I and where am I going. This is complicated. I will have to talk with my boss about my future plans and now I realize that I am not sure what I want. If I was so unsure just for myself everything would be about OK but as I will have to talk to my boss I can’t just answer him “Sorry, I don’t know.” Ok,  but I will come up with something, I know.

Another problem is my further education. This question was raised due to previous about my future plans. I looked for universities outside Lithuania but even in North Europe, where tuition is free I would have to cover my cost of living ant those are enormous. With my salary I would have to forget everything, get back to my mom and work for 3 years to cover one year of university. So, you see that impossible is the word to name it.  There are part-time jobs there but in most cases they won’t cover all expenses. Yep, I’ve got myself nothing less than new headache…

Now let’s move on to view my progress this week.

1. Get my drivers license. FAIL. I didn’t go to take the exam. But I will this week. I swear.
2. Get my weight back to normal. FAIL. No excercise. No diet. No nothing. 
3. Get promotion. In Progress. I had one conversations with my superiors and I have made some changes in my schedule at work. I hope results will be visible next week.
4. To visit at least two foreign countries this year. On Hold. Waiting for new camera.
5. Be more financially responsible. I entered all the data into my account at kurdingopinigai.lt and I looked at my balance. It was not perfect but quite good. I will keep using that tool to watch my financial state and, of course, I will try to get more good results.
6. To participate in something meaningful. On Hold. Waiting for invitation to introduction courses.
   
7. Transerfing in 78 days. FAIL. I read some chapters but I didn’t listen to what they say.
   
8. To learn to play a guitar. On hold. I still don’t know what my raise will be. This sucks, BTW.
9. Get more organized. In progress. I am beginning my new organized life :)
10. To prepare to new semester of studies. Done. I need new big notebook for taking notes in lectures. I also need organizer for my university tasks and I already printed it out.

Results are so-so I believe. What’s up for the next week?

1. Get my drivers license. To pass theory exam.
2. Get my weight back to normal. Meal plan and stick to it.
3. Get promotion. Get over with all the conversations with boss and create suitable routine for my jobs.
4. To visit at least two foreign countries this year. On Hold. Waiting for new camera.
5. Be more financially responsible. I will enter all the spending and gaining of money the day it happens. No waiting for nothing and 100% accuracy.
6. To participate in something meaningful. On Hold. Waiting for invitation to introduction courses.
   
7. Transerfing in 78 days. I will take off from where I stopped.
   
8. To learn to play a guitar. On hold. I still don’t know what my raise will be. This sucks, BTW.
9. Get more organized. I will organize my things both at home and at work. I will start getting used to work by daily plan.
10. To prepare to new semester of studies. I will go shopping for notebook and new pen. Ans pencils. And maybe… just maybe.. for new bag… :)

As I have put away about 25% of my income this month, I am a bit financially challenged… :( It ain’t very good as I want many things but I think it is more worth to wait for my next pay-check. It will be soon :)

Ok, it is late and I am planning to at least start organizing my things today.

See you soon :)

P. S. I didn’t read all post one more time today so sorry for mistakes left.

so here I am again. Missed me?

Ok, so today I finally found some time to write and think about everything.

Past week and a half has been kinda amazing… :) Like, really amazing. Of course, there were some misunderstandings, problems and everything but I feel that I have moved forward quite seriously.

Let’s look at summary! :)

1. Get my drivers license. Yesterday I went to my first practical lecture. :) 
2. Get my weight back to normal. During trip we ate almost noting :D
3. Get promotion. Almost done. Well, this was not quite promotion that I am getting but this will definitely ease my work. And I am getting a raise. Still have no clue how much but I will get raise what is GR8.
4. Come up with some brilliant business idea. Fail. I have not done a single thing about this. Oh well, I am not sure if I am really into my idea. Or  if  want business as such anymore. I think I want but as I am not remembering it during a week and that surely tells something about my dedication.
5. To visit at least two foreign countries this year. We did have all the fun possible. Trip was amazing, weather was amazing and everything was amazing. I am really happy about this trip and I am thinking that I want to go to another one and another one… :D Only thing that was missing was professional photo-camera. I am thinking about buying one and only then going to trips. Because it is such disappointment when you realize that you have only poor quality and noisy photos.
6. Be more financially responsible. Fail. I have all the checks and I will do that. And I have transfered some money to my bank account that will not be touched for some time.
7. To participate in something meaningful. I went to a interview to BBBS and they accepted me.  Yeahah! :) There will be no more movement with this till September though.
8. To create my personal development plan. Fail. I am rethinking. I think I have doubts about my chances to become marketing manager… I hope I will deal with these thoughts by next week and I will be able to say if this is cancelled or still ongoing.
9. To start some amazing tradition. This will either come or not so it is canceled. I think I will better give myself a goal to learn to play guitar. I am thinking about it constantly and as I will have some extra money I will be able to buy guitar and guitar lessons.
10. Transerfing in 78 days. I am in my 15th day already. Not perfect score as I cheated a bit and skipped two days. And yet, I think I am moving forward with this and maybe I am already seeing some results, what is definitely great.

About my promotion/raise. I had no idea that my new-become-boss has been thinking about my raise. So, I think positive thinking works. I have not done anything but my job and constant thinking about raise since I wrote this on my goal list – first time to mention was on 21 June, 2009. Exactly two months ago :). And what I realized is that I would have my raise and my promotion (or just change in responsibilities) any way – either I do something or not. Of course, I am good at my position but fact is that to most people it is not enough. Of course, I have amazing coworkers and bosses and yet… I feel really happy and inspired to continue my positive thinking.

About my trip. We had some amazing time in Latvia. The best thing was Friendly Fun Franks Hostel that we stayed in. It was experience itself as I can honestly say that we, takin’ staff there being friendly and facilities being suitable for living as a given, got so much more than you could ever expect from hostel. I am not sure if I should explain everything. Or if I want to spoil surprise. But if you will ever consider staying in Riga for a night and have some fun I am 100% sure that Friendly Fun Franks will be the your best choice. No doubt.

Summing up this week I think that I made big step closer most of my goals. I am happy about this. But I can’t sleep on my laurels, so let’s look at next week :)

1. Get my drivers license. During next week I would really like to pass theory exam and take as much practical driving as possible. 
2. Get my weight back to normal. Today I feel like I could start exercising. Oh well, who knows… :)
3. Get promotion. During next week I will close all open issues and try to optimize my work.
4. To visit at least two foreign countries this year. So, I mentioned that I would like to buy new photo camera before next trip. For this week I will study a bit about cameras and photography and pick model I would like to have.
5. Be more financially responsible. I will enter all the spending and if situation will be bad I will think of something.
6. To participate in something meaningful. On hold. This week I will focus on other things.
7. Transerfing in 78 days. I will continue with reading.
8. To learn to play a guitar. On hold. I will decide what to do with this after I will know what my raise will be.
9. Get more organized. I will read some advices about time management and start to use piece of advice in my everyday life.
10. To prepare to new semester of studies. I will look through all my stuff and decide what I am missing and what should I get for next season :)

Oh, I am thinking about reducing number of goals at a given moment of time as I almost never move with all the goals at same week. I am thinking about keeping 7 goals as I could just dedicate one day through week to one goal. Maybe this could higher my productivity and fasten my reach of goals?

Ok, so I will think about this.

Bye for now.

See you soon :)

1. Get my drivers license. HELL. I didn’t pass. I was 1 correct answer short and that one mistake that costed me failure was made because I checked not the answer I was knew was right one. But no worries. I will pas it in two weeks. I have not starter driving as well.
2. Get my weight back to normal. I think I passed my last chance challenge and I definitely didn’t gain any new weight what is good :)
3. Get promotion. I don’t know if I realized what to do to get promotion but I had really hard week at work and I think that I can’t work any longer with salary like that. It ain’t easy to find new job here but I think that if I won’t get raise I will start officially look for new one.
4. Come up with some brilliant business idea. I think I did came up with something. We’ll see. :)
5. To visit at least two foreign countries this year. Everything is ready for Riga.
6. Be more financially responsible. I am about to register all of my spending and I think this week was quite good.
7. To add sports to my lifestyle. Maybe sports is not against my nature but it ain’t in my priority list as well. I will change this goal as I am not passionate about sports and I know that I won’t reach this goal never ever unless it comes naturally.
8. To participate in something meaningful. Waiting for answers… This one will be on hold this week.
9. To create my personal development plan. UPS. Forgot that. But I am planning trip to some park or sm.
10. To start some amazing tradition. I shared idea about breakfast with my roommate and she didn’t refuse. But no actions about this.

So, what’s new in my life in general? M… about nothing. Just my best friend has no time for me, my work sucks and I feel not capable to feel happy. But I am trying to change my attitude to everything. So, I believe that everything will be OK.:)

I am really happy about our trip and I am waiting for it. We have prepared almost everything to it already. Only packing and leaving left. :)

Also I think this week I spent really not much money. But we will see this after I will review everything.

Ok, let’s move on my next weeks plan. As I won’t be in a country for 4 days this means that no serious goals can be reached this week :)

1. Get my drivers license. On hold.
2. Get my weight back to normal. I will try to eat not too much.
3. Get promotion. M… No clue what to do. Maybe I need plan?..
4. Come up with some brilliant business idea. To try to develop my current idea to some level where it has clearer shape.
5. To visit at least two foreign countries this year. To have all the possible fun in Riga and Jurmala.
6. Be more financially responsible. To register all spending.
7. To participate in something meaningful. Waiting for answers… This one will be on hold this week.
8. To create my personal development plan. Assuming that I will come up with a plan today, during next week I will try to get all things necessary to start.
9. To start some amazing tradition. On hold.
10. Transerfing in 78 days. To go from day 2 to day 9.

This is about it. No let’s go to work on everything.

See you soon :)

So, yesterday I read all introductions and today I am reading first “Day Challenge”.

It is all about waking up and seeing reality as it is. Main point – when you realize that you are sleeping you can do anything. Until that you are only a victim of circumstances and everything is just happening to you (in lithuanian there is a word “nutikti” which means, that something happened accidentally and unexpectedly, just happened and you can’t do anything about it; when I am saying happening I mean exactly the same as the word “nutikti” has).

Today’s task was to spend as much of the day as you can doing things knowing why, when and what. There are lots of things during the day that you do because you are doing – let’s say, do you remember what you ate for breakfast, what was the weather when you walked to work and what people looked like when you were heading home. I don’t most of the time. I spend most of my life just going here and there without any attention, doing most of things automatically.

How was it? Well, I am not sure. Just I am really used to acting without paying attention to things I know how to do. I tried to stay focused on now and here but it was quite hard indeed. I wouldn’t call it failure, though. I am trying to be here and now all the time. Rule of accepting all those principles of transerfing – to focus on one aspect during one day and remember all those from previous days.

Day 1 down, 77 to go.

See you soon :)